He wants to see the water lilies in bloom. That much I learned during the latest trip to Wales to see my Dad, who is not well. Most days he painfully reaches down to pull on his shoes so that he can slip out the side door and round to the new pond - only finished this summer - in hope. Other days he does not leave the house at all except to see the doctor. Yet last summer he was climbing mountains. Now he struggles to climb the stairs. How fast things can change.
The mornings are the worst. He has to take the anti nausea pills first, or he can't keep his breakfast down. So he has to eat before he can take his painkillers. How miserable is that? The chest of drawers by his bed once displayed ornaments and photos. Now it has packets and packets of pills all neatly lined up in formation, like soldiers ready for battle.
We were here less than two months ago, but this visit is completely different. Half made plans to take Angel shopping to celebrate her exam success were abandoned. There were no lunches out. The whole extended family did visit some local gardens, but he stayed for less than an hour, and even that was hard for him.
My role this weekend has evolved from daughter to carer. None of the family now like leaving him home alone, and I was afraid to have the radio on, or even wash my hair in case he called while I was in the shower.
He is pale, but hopefully that is due to lack of sunshine and anaemia. And maybe the sleepiness is caused by all the pills. He struggles with the pain, but his brain is a sharp as ever - he's still doing bits of work - his eyes twinkle when he smiles, and there's no trace of a quiver in his voice. At 81, he's not an old man. But it breaks my heart to see the pain that even simple tasks can cause him. Like putting on his shoes. I want to make everything right, but I can't. All I can do is chat and cook and clear and comfort and just be there. Except I can't be there that much....but my brothers can ...
Radiotherapy is due to start next week, and I'm so hoping that it will give him some respite.
Radiotherapy is due to start next week, and I'm so hoping that it will give him some respite.
And I'm really really hoping that the water lilies bloom soon.
NB: I have his permission to publish this post.
A reminder to appreciate everything we have. Nobody ever wishes for riches and frivolities in the end, it's always something free, natural and simple.
ReplyDeleteI wish your feisty dad a break from his pain - you too.
Lucy x
How wonderful it is to have that little oasis of peace in his own back garden, that he can retreat to when he's able. And how wonderful it must have been for him to have you there this weekend. You are doing all that you can. Your dad is an amazing man and I too hope he gets some relief from radiotherapy. Mind yourself :-)
ReplyDelete((xx)) Jazzy
So sorry to read this post, sending you massive hugs of support - Irish Mammy xxx
ReplyDeleteForgot to add big shout out to Angel for her exams, smart and beautiful like her mom, the world is her oyster!
ReplyDelete@Lucewoman - me too x
ReplyDelete@Jazzygal - it was wonderful for me too, even though it was difficult as well xx
@Irish Mammy - lovely to have you back commenting and thanks so much xxx
I am very sorry for your dad's pain..and your own in watching it..Sometimes things just..well they just suck. I too hope the Lily's bloom for him..and you. ((()))
ReplyDeleteOh, I feel I can truly relate to what you are going through. My father, a vibrant athlete his whole life, suffered a stroke last year and my family sat helpless as we watched his health deteriorate. Life can certainly change on a dime, and it's things like this that remind us how precious each moment is.
ReplyDeleteI will be praying for you, for your Dad, and most of all, for gorgeous, vibrant, abundantly blooming WATER LILIES!! God bless!
I really hope the Water Lilies bloom soon for him,my prayers and thoughts are with you and him and I hope the radiotherapy will bring some relief from what he is going through. Stay strong xxx
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that your dad is poorly but so lovely that he has that beautiful pond to look at. I hope the radiotherpay can provide some relief for him. Thinking of you during this difficult time. Deb xx
ReplyDeleteIt is the hardest thing to watch your parent suffer like that. I used to drive away from my mum's house, crying so hard that I could barely see.
ReplyDeletePart of me wished it would end soon so that she would no longer suffer and then the other part of me was breaking down at the thought of life without her.
It was heartbreaking for her and me. I hope he gets to see the lilies bloom. (((hugs)))
We were just talking about this over the weekend, the whole change in dynamic when a parent is ill. So sorry to hear your Dad is poorly, I'm sure your visit gave him some comfort and respite but I know it isn't easy.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs to you all. xx
Oh - how i feel for you.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to see your parents getting frailer - you realise that they are human - just like you.
Take care of you as well. I know it sounds silly, but if you can take photos - of the family together.
And i'm here if you need an ear (or an eye!!)
Still miss my dad a lot and he died 7 years ago!!!
@kathleen - they do suck x
ReplyDelete@AFANM - thank you and I know you know so much about this xx
@Andra - you're so good to comment and you give me so much support IRL too xxx
@Deb - thank you xx
@Helen - when you move abroad you never realise how hard it will be when family get sick xx
@Julie - I wanted to take photos, but I didn't get any of my Dad, it just didn't seem right to ask, but I would've liked to have x
I'm so sorry to hear your Dad is getting worse *hugs* It must be hard from you living away from him too. All you can do is be there for him as you are help him through the pain. Much love to you xx
ReplyDeleteOhh I pray those water lillies come out real soon for him. He sounds like such a trouper.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about his illness. Mich x
So hard to watch someone you love suffer x
ReplyDeleteI am so enjoying your blog, although I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. My dad's illness was much the same; once he became really ill, things happened quickly. I know exactly what you mean about the strangeness of going from daughter to carer. It sounds as though you are doing a wonderful job.
ReplyDeleteI hope they bloom soon too.
ReplyDeleteHugs
@SAHMlovingit - yes I'm finding living in a different country at this time very hard xx
ReplyDelete@Michelle Twin Mum - thank you x
@QWERTY Mum - it is x
@Lisa Lavia Ryan - yes, now time is running out, it's frightening how fast things change.
@Suburbia - thank you x
Likewise, I hope the lillies bloom for your Dad. You are all in my thoughts and I hope that the radiotherapy offers some relief xX
ReplyDeleteI put off reading this post for a while, I knew it would churn up "a few" emotions...
ReplyDeleteAll I can do is send you a big Massive (((((HUG))))) and trust the lillies will bloom soon
@Beadzoid - Thank you xx
ReplyDelete@Nan P. - So sorry to churn up emotions for you and thanks for the support x