I know I said that I would stop writing so much about my son with aspergers and my difficulty in coping with his behaviour, but we both need help and I'm almost out of ideas. The State therapist that he likes and respects is busy, and he is refusing to go to any of the private services that I've found. He won't take any advice: "It doesn't work, Mum". He won't write about his feelings as asked by one therapist. So I am, but he won't even tell me how he feels, so I'm having to write about each meltdown and guess how he is feeling. Another activity that has kept me very busy during the last week.
He won't follow any other advice either now. He's stopped using the trampoline, he won't push his sister's wheelchair any more, he didn't even go to tennis last week - the one sport he claims to like.
Yet he is asking for help. He says he can't control his anger. I know that he can't control how he feels, but surely even a child can control how they respond to their feelings?
If you're a regular reader you know that I am stressed to the max about him refusing to go to sleep on his own and I have been asking over and over why he is so afraid. He is still blaming it on an episode of Supernatural that he watched with his sister 18 months ago that featured a 'wraith' that knocks on windows before coming in. We live in an old house and I can understand why he can easily think that he hears knocks on the windows at night. But he's never seen me wielding my light sabre against marauding wraiths in all the hours that I have sat in his room. So why is he still afraid? Or is he?
Yesterday I tried bribery, tapering off time in his room in exchange for a new game. No interest. He wasn't falling for that. Even though it is almost two months until Christmas and he is completely out of money.
Last night it was almost midnight before he went to sleep amidst more fights and tears and then he woke me this morning with a screaming complaint that I had not woken him at 6 am as "I told you to".
It is not good when you find yourself shaking with stress before you've even had coffee.
Other recent meltdowns have been about perceived unfairness, meanness, misunderstandings, jumping to conclusions and changes of plans.
Yesterday I told him that he could not see his friend today if there was any more bad behaviour. This morning he shouted and screamed and swore at me and so I told him the visit was off. Cue a teary meltdown. Now I am trying to find a way back. I have suggested a written and signed contract between us that would slowly wean him off his bedtime/morning routine, in return for seeing his friend today. "Okay," he said.
So were the last 18 months just a big game to him then?
And will this work? Or will he change his mind this evening once his friend has gone home...
Yesterday I walked into town with Smiley and we took part in a protest against cuts to child benefit. That's all though, I wasn't involved in the organisation and promotion. It was great to see some of my friends from the PACUB group, and it was great to feel normal and relaxed, even though I had a child with severe special needs with me, she wasn't trying to control anything, she wasn't having meltdowns, she was just smiling and laughing and enjoying the day and the attention. I just want life with my son to be like that too.
|Not sure how I ended up so far away from Smiley in this pic!|