That sounds very dramatic doesn't it? I haven't actually been diagnosed with PTSD or anything else, well apart from being emotionally cold, selfish and self-centred, but that wasn't by anyone professional.
I am afraid of being judged. But I need to write about something that happened recently.
I could not handle the behaviour of another adult. That does not make me a bad person, it means that I am the product of what has happened to me in my life so far. I am trying not to be a victim of those events, but sometimes certain behaviours trigger a response in me. Especially if I am already very stressed - Smiley was sick. This time my reaction was blind fear, and I could not control it. I even resorted to pulling my own hair out in handfuls to try and calm myself down. It didn't work.
To the adult concerned: I am very sorry that I could not give you the help that you seemed to want. You need a different confidant, not me. And apologies to Angel, who was woken up, and has not said a word of criticism since.
One day I hope to write about the events that caused this stupid reaction in me, but only when I've worked out a way to protect the identities of the other people who were involved. You see it's a story of hope, we've all come out the other side, even if we do bear some scars.
For now I'm practicing my blank mind technique, not altogether successfully, and avoiding most social contact.
The phones are on silent, the Xanax prescription has been refilled, and I'm back in counselling. Wish me luck!
Reasons to be Cheerful - Happy Mothering Sunday #R2BC - Lucky me, the girls made me breakfast in bed Happy Thursday friends, How are you doing? I'm having a funny old week. there is nothing particularity wrong...