A letter to my son on his 13th birthday

Dear Son,

First of all I want to apologise: I know I'm not the best Mum in the World, despite what you say. I'm still struggling with the impact of Aspergers, and its effect on you.  I got many things wrong when you were younger: so often I thought you were being bold, when you must've been unable to cope.  But you couldn't tell me. I really hope that it didn't spoil your childhood, but at all those smiley photos suggest you will have some happy memories at least.

I'm going to try and make it up to you over the next five years, while you are still in my care.  At least you seem to be really happy at home now.  That's a start, for you, and for your sisters.  And you have so much potential, with your intelligence, and curiosity, and interesting observations about the world around you.  I mean to help you realise it.  But only if you want to, of course.

There's so much more that I want to say, but I can't, because I promised to stop writing about you, and that's hard too.  It helped me to work through everything here on the blog, and I think it helped other parents to read it.

Sadly, the only accounts I've read about parenting teenagers with Aspergers have not been encouraging, at all.  I'm starting to hope that we will have a much better story to tell.  But it will have to wait until you are grown up enough to give truly informed consent.

Whatever happens between now and then, I want you to always remember that I love you very much.

Oh and I nearly forgot.

Happy Birthday Son,

Love

Mum xxxx



14 comments:

  1. Lovely post....
    Happy Birthday to your son x

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    1. So glad you like it, I wasn't sure how it would read! x

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  2. Happy birthday to your son & well done Mammy on doing 13 years of great work!!

    A small tip - set up an email address for your kids - one each & write them emails every month or whenever something happens - its free. Wanted to send you a quick email but cant find your contact details on this blog!!

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    1. Thank you and yes, that's two great ideas :) I must put a contact tab on my blog ...

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  3. What a lovely letter. Happy Birthday to your boy.... 13 already! xx

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    1. I know! He was still a (smallish) boy when I started writing this blog... xx

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  4. You're doing great. Some positives about parenting teens with aspergers or Hfa is that life can improve massively once you get their support/education right for them. I'm not saying you're not but school is not in our control and can be hard to getright. My son still has challenges (he always will) but the extreme behaviour of a few years ago has eased massively. We still cant go far from home but at least we can get out now to his favourite cafe and pasta restaurant. Its a massive achievement for him and us and I always try and remember that and cherish our outings even more. Happy birthday to your son; my daughter will be 13 this year as well. Deb xx

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    1. Your perspective and advice is always really welcome Deb. Yes, things are better here too, but there are still wobbles, and I still worry that I am getting things wrong xxx

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  5. Happy birthday to your beautiful son xxx

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    1. Thank you, though I have to say that he is more spotty than beautiful right now :) xxx

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