It was a dream

Saturday was the first full day of the Easter holidays.  Until recently that meant that I would be packing up the car to head to Wexford or Wales.  But no longer.  We don't go anywhere much these days.  So I should have lots of spare time, right?  But unlike other children, my younger two need more time and attention as they get older, not less.  Difficulties with secondary school have meant that almost everything else - the house, the garden, the finances, friends, exercise - has been put on the back burner.  On that first morning all the conversations with my son involved shouting, while Smiley refused to drink from a straw again - for the fourth time in recent weeks - and I had to use a plastic syringe to get fluid into her, 5ml at a time.  Yet I couldn't properly address their needs - because I was working.  Luckily Smiley cheered up later when we walked up to her club in the afternoon.  But I wasn't able to talk to my son properly until the evening, and that was only because I said 'no' to a  work request from a friend.  Sorry about that.

The teenage years could be critical for my son, and Smiley finishes school next year and faces an uncertain future, with a continual contraction of adult services.  It could be left to me to do everything for her.

But as my children's needs increase, and services are cut, I am getting older and more tired.  Perhaps I would be able to do this if I had the support that I had ten years ago.  But I don't.

My kids HAVE to come first, and right now the two younger ones need me more than ever.

So I've resigned.  I will miss my job: what's not to like about being paid to do something you enjoy, and learn more about social media, and help people at the same time?  But I do feel lighter.  One less pressure.

It looks like being a carer and holding down a job was just a dream for now.


Instead I have great plans to turn off the electronic babysitters and fill the Easter holidays with activities.  I'm off right now to make it up to my special girl by dancing to Britney with her.  See you later...



31 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear you've resigned but it sounds like the best decision for you all. I really do hope you get to do it again one day and besides, dancing to Britney sounds far more fun! xx

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    1. It was fun and we did more dancing tonight too! xx

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  2. Sorry to hear about the difficulties and the contraction of services. You're really between a rock and a hard place and I'm so sorry to hear it. Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you. Vix x

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    1. It's lovely to know that people on the other side of the world are thinking of me x

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  3. I've written 3 comments, all of them seem so trite. I just want you to know I'm thinking of you and sending you strength. x

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  4. I've written 3 comments and all of them seem so trite. I just want you to know I'm thinking of you and sending you strength. x

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  5. In one way I want to say sorry to hear that you've resigned; on the other hand I totally understand. It may be the way I have to go as well. I'm only doing 7-10 hours a week (supporting adults in community education) but together with my children's needs I'm getting increasingly tired and stressed trying to balance it all. Like you I may chuck in my job (or at the very least do even less) and just focus on caring, mothering and now home schooling my daughter.

    Debbie xx

    PS hope you enjoy the Easter holidays.

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    1. Thanks Deb: I was feeling totally overwhelmed too, and that didn't make me a good mother. I hope you enjoy Easter too xx

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  6. Oh, lovely. I'm so glad you feel lighter and that this is right decision for you all. But it makes me cross, too, how little choice those of us with caring responsibilities have given the contraction of support around us. I know I'm lucky to work, but every month I wonder if this will be the month I have to give up, or will break. It's just so wrong.

    Here's hoping that Easter brings lots of good things for you all. x

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    1. I'm glad you're able to work, long may it continue xx

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  7. Big decision. But whenever I feel under pressure I remember what Miriam O'Callaghan says: "Look after the fundamentals first" Xx

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    1. I didn't know she said that, she really is wonder woman personified! xx

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  8. I hope the decreased pressure will make everything a bit easier for you. Have a relaxed Easter without any school stuff to dampen the mood. Lots of love. xxx

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  9. I'm so sorry to read this and I'm angry on your behalf that your hand has been forced. Shame on them for continuing to cut services. xxx

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    1. Cutting noses to spite faces springs to mind too! xxx

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  10. I'm so sad - I have tears in my eyes. But I'm glad you feel lighter too. It shoudn't have to be this way. You are such an inspiring person and now even more so.

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  11. So sorry to hear this. I'm sure it was a difficult decision. I hope you have a wonderful break. Thinking of you x

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  12. xxx ♥ Sometimes this country, the one I love so much, makes me so mad!

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  13. I live my life with one mantra, "No regrets". We only live once and already you say you feel lighter. I am sorry your hand was forced but at least you recognised the situation and have taken action. I hope you can replace your work time with some you time as well as more time for your children.
    Best wishes. This may be just the beginning of a new path for you. You never know where it might take you. xxx

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    1. I believe in that too - so many times in my life it seemed that I would be stuck forever, and then something happened :) xx

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  14. Good.for.you.

    I believe you are absolutely correct. The teenage years ARE crucial for our kiddos. As was pointed out to me recently we 'have a 4 year window' to get things set up/ set them up..... FOR LIFE! Tick tock.....xxx

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    1. YES! I actually think the teenage years are crucial for all children xxx

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  15. I am reading your posts from latest to oldest.... so excuse me if my comments seem out of sync. Oh the joys of teenage years. I agree with you that the kids need to come first, although I also think it is important to ensure that you also have some *me time*..... although I know that it is hard to get that balance! xx

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    1. Am working on the 'me' time, in fact having a little right now :)

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