Afraid to go to the GP?


This feeling has crept up on me.  Perhaps I overthink things now, perhaps it's middle aged anxiety, but I'm definitely developing a fear of visiting my GP.  Do you want to know why?

Afraid of the cost


Here in Ireland it costs around €60 to go to the GP.

Afraid of the wait


The good thing about the Irish system is that you can get an appointment on the day you ring.  The bad thing is that you usually have to wait.  I hate waiting, and start to worry about all the other things I could be doing.  And there's more.

Afraid of being a time-waster


There's always something bothering me: a lump or a new mark, or a pain or an odd sensation.  Mostly I keep my fingers and toes crossed and wait a month or two and then they go away.  Sometimes they bother me so much that I do mention them to the GP, but they generally turn out to be just another ailment.

So I go less and less, I don't want to waste my time, or his.

Afraid of not being taken seriously


See above.  If only I knew when there was a real problem before I went to the GP.  Of course that's where it is imperative to keep away from Google, which always says there's something seriously wrong.

Generally my rules for going to the GP are:

1. It gets worse.
2. It doesn't go away.

Afraid of something being found


Sometimes my symptoms need further investigation, but luckily for me, nothing very serious has ever been found.  But one day it will be and I am not prepared.

Because I'm afraid of the treatment.  Afraid of hospitals, thanks to the Government and cutbacks.  Afraid of how I'd manage - is it possible to care for two children with special needs and deal with the side effects of chemotherapy for example?

Because if anything happens to me, what will happen to my children?  Oddly enough I am more worried about my son now, after reading that the best gift you can give your special needs child is to help them be sociable: Smiley charms everyone she meets, so while she could hardly be more vulnerable, perhaps my job with her is done.

Afraid of not being given anything


Because there are days when I just feel that I cannot cope.  Like yesterday, when I was anticipating three months of summer holiday hell stretched out ahead of me. It was as though a black cloud was sitting over my house while everyone else soaked up the sunshine.  Today the grey skies sit low over Dublin; I hope they lift for all of us soon.

Sometimes when you leave the surgery without a prescription you feel relieved that there is nothing wrong.  Sometimes you feel worse: because of the waste of time and money, and nothing to make you feel better.

Still, I may have to make the trip some time soon....

12 comments:

  1. I am always afraid that the little thing I see the doctor about will actually be a symptom of a bigger thing too. I rarely go for myself so I often mention my own things when one of the children has an appointment.

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  2. Sorry to read that you feel like this. I think the cost would be a big deterrent to me too. My husband thinks we go too often! I hope the summer holidays go OK for you all.

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    1. Wouldn't it be great if you never felt that you were going 'too often', even if it is just for reassurance :)

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  3. You've just put into words exactly what I've been feeling for a while! And it's all much more intense when you have kids to care for that need medical care themselves. Sometimes I can't bear to go to the doctor because I've already been three or four times with the kids and I just can't stand the thought of sitting in the waiting room - again. I especially agree about the fear that they won't do anything - and simultaneously the fear that they will. Wanting this particular pain to go away, but also wanting it to not be anything serious. What I want is for the doctor to say "oh yes, I know just what that is. Poor you, it's a nasty complaint, but take this little pill and you'll be right as rain in a week. Oh and I've arranged for someone to come round and run the house for you for the week." As if...

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    1. Wouldn't that be just wonderful, especially for you xxx

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  4. Your mind is going where mine fears to tread. And anxiety can cause all sorts of ailments too. It's a vicious circle..isn't it?
    The grey skies did lift for a bit today, I hope they did metaphorically for you too. And for the 3 months ahead. And that's somewhere else my mind fears to tread.....xx

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    1. Hopefully we can swap ideas for filling the next three months - two heads are better than one eh? xx

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  5. Hells bells, that is a lot of money!! I hope the black cloud doesn't visit too often. On the bright side, when it comes to the hols, just think of the opportunities that you will have to SLOW DOWN. Fingers and toes crossed that all goes well. xxx

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    1. Not doing so well on the slowing down thing, but I think you expected that :)

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