Five more things not to say to an autism mum

Just some of the things I've heard during the summer holidays:

You'll have so much free time when the kids go back to school

If that was the case far more autism mums would be in paid employment, but not many employers will tolerate the regular appointments, phone calls, illnesses, and school refusals that can be part of life with autism.

My taxes are paying for this

All autism families know that services and financial supports are expensive, but don't need to feel like they are scroungers.

Your family is deserving of help.

But others are not?

He's not a burden any more.

You mean you thought he was? And the only reason that you can say that is the years of research and therapy and hard work by him and by his parents.

Boarding school would sort her out.

Like the one you saw on the telly? Every child is different, and while boarding school might be a good solution for some, for others it might be a disaster.


The sad thing is that people often say these things when they are trying to be helpful...





8 comments:

  1. I'm glad I was never told those things or it would have ended in an argument...The only "remark" I got was, "Oh he has autism? I didn't know, I just thought he wanted things his own way"... I still don't know how I'm supposed to take that...
    Why would anyone say a child is a burden? That's beyond me... And I won't even say anything on the boarding school comment, that's just pure ignorance...

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    1. Well the boarding school did seem to work well for the girls who attended, but I'm sure that it is not the answer for all teens on the spectrum x

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  2. It is hard to believe that people actually think, let alone say these things. All anyone has to do is to, just for one second, put themselves in others shoes. Especially about the 'taxes' one! xx

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  3. A teacher once told me that children like my son would go to boarding school (this was when he was school refusing and the council provided us with home tutors). I took this throw away comment as meaning I was a crap parent who couldn't control her son. Perhaps for some children it is an option but it wasn't for us. I wanted him with us. He also wanted to stay with us (he told me so). I also thought his anxiety was so great that even if we got him into a residential school (highly unlikely) there was a risk he would have been unable to come back, even for weekends, due to the change in routine. So we followed our hearts and stuck with it and slowly he improved enough to go to the local college. So glad we stuck together as a family because I think he would never have forgiven us if we sent him away.

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    1. I agree and I also think that boarding school is a make or break solution, and you don't want to be the parent of the child who breaks :(

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  4. I wish people would think before they speak, I've been told we're so lucky to get 'extra money' because of my girls Autism.... :( A family member told my Husband we are lucky, her autism isn't as bad as some .... It saddens me that those thoughts would even cross people's minds
    Nicola xx

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    1. Both of those must be very difficult to hear xx

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