Hating your life and feeling guilty because you know how lucky you are.
Wanting to talk, but not wanting to bring any of your friends down to your level.
Hiding away at home, even though you know that company lifts your spirits.
Dragging yourself through the days and then feeling worse because you have achieved so little.
Thinking you're a pathetic ungrateful person who doesn't deserve nice things or a good life.
Wishing that your GP could give you something - anything - that would stop you from thinking and feeling.
Wondering why antidepressants are not pro-happiness instead.
Being unable to make even the smallest decision.
Craving daylight, sunshine and fresh air, while your feet seem to be stuck to the patch of floor by the kitchen sink.
Being terrified of the future and unable to enjoy the present.
Sadness because your children have no real interest in Halloween.
Guilt at complaining because you don't have 'real' depression.
Eating too much chocolate and wishing you could drink too much wine. But you don't because you know it will only make you feel worse. And feeling worse because you know you can't.
Feeling fat and old. And then eating too much and not exercising.
Doubting your parenting strategy, and wondering are you making everything worse.
Feeling sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Trying to find something to treasure each day. And reasons to be cheerful every week.
Moments of joy when your non-verbal daughter smiles at you.
Pride and delight when your elder daughter excitedly recounts all the highlights of her working day.
Relief when your autistic son has a good day.
Release when you get the time to write it all out on your blog.
That's what depression is for me.
But it will pass. It might take a few hours, or it might last a few months. Whatever way it goes, I know it's not forever.
If you're feeling down please talk to someone, even though it sometimes feels like the hardest thing of all. Irish contact numbers of organisations that can help:
Samaritans - 116 123
Console - 1800 247 247
Note: There were some good days over the mid-term break, but then there was a setback last night, and this wrote itself today. Perhaps someone can relate xx
Reasons to be Cheerful - Happy Mothering Sunday #R2BC - Lucky me, the girls made me breakfast in bed Happy Thursday friends, How are you doing? I'm having a funny old week. there is nothing particularity wrong...