And the pills the GP gave me.
The anxiety and depression are mostly gone, there is less anger and resentment. I am docile, calm and task focused, the perfect carebot, almost the Stepford Wife that I wanted to be.
I never wanted to be that cliche: the middle aged woman on pills for her nerves. I've always wanted to be the strong one, the reliable one, the one in control of her life. Look where that got me!
I do take some comfort in the schmaltzy memes like this one though...
Perhaps I was too hard, too strong, and eventually I couldn't bend, so I crumbled instead. And that had to be dealt with, too many people depend on me. I had to do whatever it took to get back on track. And this time that meant pills.
But the trouble with pills is they reduce the drive to write, to create, the need to offload all that stuff that normally clogs up my head. Because now it isn't really there.